Trusted medical platform in Jordan
استشارة زوجية وأسرية
Marriage and family counselling is structured therapeutic work carried out by a qualified professional with a couple or with family members, and its subject is the pattern of interaction between them rather than the search for a guilty party. It opens with an assessment session in which the story is heard from both sides, and the problem is defined in workable terms: escalating conflict, silence and withdrawal, no shared conversation about money or parenting, broken trust, or pressure from relatives and housing. Clear goals and an initial number of sessions are then agreed. What happens in the room is not an exchange of complaints in front of a third person. The counsellor works on specific skills: listening without interrupting, expressing a need instead of making an accusation, managing anger before it erupts, agreeing rules for disagreement, and rebuilding emotional and sexual closeness when it has been disrupted. Exercises are given to practise at home between sessions, and they are what actually produces change; a session without practice remains a comfortable conversation with no effect. Honesty requires stating the limits of this work. Counselling **neither guarantees that a marriage will continue nor ends it**. It is not a court, not legal mediation, and not a report to be used in a dispute, and it cannot repair one partner while the other refuses any change. Anyone who attends in order to prove they are right will not benefit. The counsellor does not take sides and does not carry information between partners beyond what has been agreed; confidentiality is protected except where there is danger to a person's life or to a child. In some cases the right outcome is an organised agreement to separate with the least harm, particularly where children are involved, and that too is therapeutic work rather than failure. There is an important exception to know. Where there is **physical violence, threat, abuse or coercion**, joint sessions are not the first step, because they can expose the more vulnerable partner to danger once the session ends. Priority then goes to a safety plan, individual assessment and referral to the appropriate services, after which couple work is considered only if it is suitable and safe. The same applies when addiction, untreated mental illness or thoughts of self-harm are part of the picture: these are addressed in parallel with their own treatment plan. This service also covers the premarital and engagement-compatibility stage, where expectations, money, housing, work, children and boundaries with relatives are discussed before they become crises, and the divorce stage, where the aim is to protect children from being pulled between parents and to set up practical communication between separated adults. Asking for counselling is neither shameful nor an admission of failure, and the type and number of sessions are decided by direct clinical assessment, not by reading a page.
The counsellor hears both partners together, learns the history of the relationship, the shape of the conflict and what has already been tried, and asks about safety, children, and mental and physical health. Ground rules and the limits of confidentiality are explained in this session.
Each partner is seen alone once or twice, because matters such as violence, addiction, psychiatric history or thoughts of self-harm may not be voiced in front of the other. These meetings determine whether joint work is appropriate and safe at this point.
Two or three measurable goals are formulated instead of a general complaint, an initial number and frequency of sessions is agreed, and rules are set for inside and outside the room: no interrupting, no threats, and nothing said in session used later as a weapon.
Skills are rehearsed for dialogue, anger management, conflict resolution and joint decisions about money and parenting, then exercises are set for home between sessions and reviewed at the next meeting. Practice, not conversation alone, is what creates change.
Goals are reviewed and a decision made on whether to extend, or to refer for individual or specialist psychiatric treatment, and a written plan is built for what the couple will do if conflict returns. Where separation is chosen, the focus shifts to reducing harm and protecting the children.
Come intending to work on the relationship rather than to prove your case; it helps to write down beforehand three things you genuinely want to change and what you have already tried without success. Agree with your partner to attend the first session together if possible, and choose a time when you are not rushed or fresh from an argument. Tell the counsellor if either of you is receiving psychological or psychiatric treatment, lives with depression, anxiety or addiction, has been through a bereavement or has a chronic illness, or if there has been violence or a threat, because that information changes the whole plan. Arrange childcare for the session and do not bring children unless you are specifically asked to. Agree in advance that what is said in the room will not be used later in argument or relayed to relatives, and do not record or film the session. If you are attending because of a legal decision, say so: counselling is not a court report.
Carry out the agreed exercises between sessions even when they are small; they are the core of the treatment, not extra homework. Set aside a weekly time for calm conversation without phones and without a third person present, and use what you have learned: express a need without accusation, ask for a time-out instead of escalating, and return to the subject once you are calm. Do not expect steady improvement; temporary setbacks are expected and do not mean the work has failed. Do not discuss the content of sessions with relatives or on social media, and never use something said in the room as a weapon. Keep your appointments: stopping after the first improvement is one of the commonest reasons conflict returns. **Seek help immediately for** **thoughts of self-harm, suicide or harming others**, **any threat of violence, use of a weapon, or fear for your safety or a child's safety**, severe depression that blocks sleep and work, a return to uncontrolled substance use, or neglect or abuse of a child. These situations do not wait for the next appointment.
A session usually lasts 50 to 90 minutes, weekly or fortnightly, with a typical programme of six to twelve sessions after which goals are reviewed and a decision made to continue or to close.
Dr. Mohammad Fathi Khasawneh is a psychiatrist with the Jordanian Board in Psychiatry and a medical degree from Vinnitsa Pirogov University in Ukraine. His work…
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